BE KIND TO YOURSELF
Self-recrimination is common after a break up. You may be feeling guilty, stupid, or angry with yourself for spoiling the relationship, not realizing something was wrong, or hurting your ex. If you become your own worst enemy it’s going to be harder to put your life back together and move on.
I don’t deserve kindness
Depending on how you acted during the break up you may feel you don’t deserve any kindness. If a lot of mutual friends took your partner’s side in the dispute it could be really hard not to believe this.
Even if your behavior has been less dignified than you would like, that doesn’t mean you’re evil and should be hated by everyone, including yourself.It takes two for any relationship to break down so try not to keep thinking it was all your fault.
Take responsibility for your part in the break up, apologise if you need to, and recognise that you are a normal human being who deserves kindness just like everyone else.
I should be doing…
Just because you’ve broken up doesn’t mean you can drop all your other responsibilities. Putting in extra hours at work, or job hunting (or house hunting) all add stress and take time and physical effort.
Turning up late at work may not be an option but you may be able to cut out some non-essential commitments. Coping with a break up can make you feel more tired than usual so don’t agree to attend a party or commit to spring cleaning the whole house at the weekend. The vacuuming can wait and your friends will understand.
All you need is money to live on, lots of sleep, nutritious food and moderate exercise. Your physical and mental health should be your main priorities.
How could I be so stupid?
If your partner lied to you – or if you knew things were going wrong but thought it would be OK – you may be feeling as if you let yourself down. Accusations of stupidity are, at best, unhelpful.
Are recriminations becoming a habit? Do you often find yourself thinking about your mistakes and wishing you could put them right? It’s perfectly understandable, but you’re damaging yourself without changing the situation.
OK, you made a mistake and now your relationship is over. Promise yourself you’ll be more careful next time and try to think of something more positive.Tip: This is easier said than done, but keep trying and it will make you much happier.
Why make things worse?
Your heart is broken, so why make things worse? Now is the time when you need to look after yourself and that certainly doesn’t include beating yourself up, trying to be superhuman, or dwelling on the past.
Try and make time to enjoy yourself. Stay in touch with your friends and family. Tell your boss if you’re struggling to cope with work. Make time to eat and exercise properly and try to get some sleep too!