14 year old girl: “Sex for me is just like dancing. I love dancing with with different men”.
Doctor: “Do you even feel anything when you dance with these men”?
14 year old girl: “Sometimes. I feel a lot of feelings. They last for a while and then they’re gone”.
Doctor: “Do these men even have feelings for you”?
14 year old girl: “Sometimes, for a minute”.
Doctor: “If you have a sister and she tells you that she wants to have sex, what will you tell her”?
14 year old girl: “I will tell her to wait”.
Doctor: “So why do you do what you do”?
14 year old girl: “I am the most popular girl in 9th grade”.
This is a dialogue (not verbatim though) from a movie I recently saw on TV. It was very realistic, surely caught my attention, and inspired me to write this article.
Just like this girl in the movie, I had sex when I was 14. The only difference between me and her was that I was having sex with only one guy and that I didn’t get a disease. Still, a lot of her thoughts were my own thoughts back then, and for sure these are your thoughts too… in a way.
There is something about sex that makes us really curious about it at a young age. It makes us wonder how it feels. It makes us think that we become more mature when we engage in it. And just like what this girl thought, it makes us think that we can gain popularity through it.
When your friends start sharing their sexual experiences with you, you begin to wonder how it really feels. And most of the time, people will paint a real nice picture in your mind even if they didn’t enjoy it. Guys brag about it; and so do girls. Nobody will ever talk about their bad experiences with it.
Having sex for guys make them feel like they’ve conquered something. It makes them feel like real men. For girls, it’s totally different. She starts feeling good when the guy starts wanting her. She doesn’t really look at it as sex. She looks at it more of getting his attention and being wanted by this guy. This is what the 14 year old girl in the movie meant when she said that the feelings of the guys for her last for a minute. Then she starts wanting the attention again, which is why she eventually keeps giving in to it.
Regardless of age, guys and girls will always be the same. I remember one saying that goes: Guys give love in order to get sex; Girls give sex in order to get love. In short, men are lustful beings and women are emotional beings. You put these two needs together and you have teenagers whose hormones and testosterones are easily triggered.
Unfortunately, teen sex never leads to anything good. In fact, God Himself is against it, not that He doesn’t want you to enjoy it but because He wants you to really, really enjoy it. Think about it this way… your parents want to give you the best car that you can possibly get. They don’t want to give you anything less than that. However, they have to wait for the right time to give it to you. God is the same way. He wants to give you the gift of sex, which was designed by Him, in the right time and place, and that is in marriage.
Believe me, no teenager who has had sex has ever enjoyed it the way God designed it to be enjoyed. Honestly, your bodies are not even fully developed yet when you’re in your teens. More than this, you are still mentally and emotionally immature. You may think that you are or can be physically good at it, but that doesn’t mean that it is good the way it can be good.
It takes a deep intimacy with the other person to feel so free and relaxed with sex. This intimacy and freedom can only be experienced in marriage. In marriage there is no fear of being caught, having a disease, acting better than others, proving yourself to your partner, etc. You are just free to be who God made you to be. You freely serve the other person because of your great love for him/her. It is not a superficial high but something so deep and intense.
Teen sex may feel good but it doesn’t last. It only scratches the surface. Then it leads to destruction. How many teen pregnancies and abortions have resulted from this? How many extreme jealousies that led to murder have happened as a result? How many teens acquired STDs as a consequence? How many guys and girls have been hurt and wounded in effect?
In that movie I was talking about, one girl had oral sex with her boyfriend. She really liked him. So one day, the guy took her to her room with another friend with his girlfriend and wanted her to do group sex with them. The girl said: “But I only want to have sex with you”. She was so shocked at what he was trying to do. She ran away and the guy still stayed in the room with the other couple. That surely broke her heart.
Teen guys are not mature enough to even understand the emotions that girls go through. Teen girls are not also mature enough to handle their own emotions. This is where everything can get really messy. It’s a lot of drama, for sure.
Teen sex, or any other sex outside of marriage, will never work the way sex was designed because it is working against the grain. It’s like using an appliance for something it was not designed for. You may think it’s working until the motor goes out, or it totally breaks.
Sex is God’s gift for you for your marriage. It is supposed to be your gift for your future husband/wife. It is not meant to be opened now and be used for someone else. Even if you will eventually end up married to the person you’re having sex with, you still can’t open the gift before its time, or you will ruin it. This happened to me which was why my first marriage failed. He was my boyfriend at 14 and the guy who I gave up my virginity to. I had sex with him at 14 and continued to have sex with him, which led to my pregnancy and a marriage both of us were not prepared for. It hurt not only him and me but even our children and the people around us.
It is not as difficult as you may think it is if you believe that you deserve the best. This is where it all starts. If you believe that you deserve nothing but the best that God has to offer you, then you will wait for the best one and the best time. You will not just give that special gift to anyone. It is reserved for the person God created for you.
It will also be easier if you bear in mind that you have an enemy out there who is dying to destroy you, kill you, and steal from you. His name is satan and he is your number one enemy. He wants you to give up that gift so you won’t have the best that God has to offer. He wants to steal that gift from you. He wants to kill you with a disease or with the wrath of a jealous boyfriend/girlfriend. He wants to destroy your life. Giving in to sex before marriage is giving in to the devil. Do you want that?
In the midst of peer pressure and temptation, you will be able to overcome if you focus on God and His Word. You won’t be able to do it on your own. You need Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit.
Lisa Maki is the founder of God’z Gurlz, a Bible-based online magazine for women whose mission is to is to provide a place where women can learn to manage their emotions, experience healing, receive love and acceptance, be free to be who God made them to be, and be the best they can be in their homes, schools, professions, relationships, and calling, through sharing of insights and experiences, counseling, prayer, and devotionals, thereby learning from and supporting each other.