Relationship Advice – Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?
You’ve made the decision to call the relationship quits. But even though you don’t want to date them, you don’t want them completely out of your life, either. Does this mean it is possible to stay friends? It does, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the right thing to do.
A lot rides on the decision to remain friends with an ex. The most important factor to consider is why you two aren’t together anymore. Did someone cheat? Was there abuse, was it emotional, physical or verbal? Or did the relationship simply run its course?
Another important question: was the decision mutual? This is a big one because people think differently. The person who calls it quits might be over the relationship, but the person who was dumped might see a friendship as a possibility down the road you could work things out. You’re thinking friends while they’re thinking you are letting them stay in your life for a reason.
If the breakup was mutual, then a friendship is entirely possible because there are no assumptions. Both parties made the decision so both parties are willing to let completely go and get on with their lives. There is still the possibility that once one of you starts dating, the other one won’t take it so well and the decision on whether or not to remain friends will be a moot point, anyway.
You also need to ask yourself why you want to remain friends with them. Will it be weird to have a friend who was once so much more than that? If it’s going to be awkward, then it isn’t worth it.If you have a lot of the same friends and the same hangouts, then you will probably be seeing them quite often. If you end the friendship too, you can’t spend that much time around each other. Are you willing to give up certain things in your life that are familiar to you just to avoid seeing them?
If they can bring a lot to a friendship, then you should try staying friends. Some people are just not meant to be anything more than friends. Perhaps you tried to take things farther and you found out the hard way that was surpassing the boundaries of who this person was to you. In this case, they can go back to what they were meant to be all along… a friend.
Learn about yourself… what makes you feel this way? Are destructive emotions at the heart of the problems? If so, maybe you need to get control of what you are really telling yourself.