A Close Encounter with A Sex Addict

So there I was sitting at our glass top kitchen table looking over at my husband in shock. It was one of the very few times that we had made plans to have company over for dinner and drinks and believe me, it was the last time. Our social life wasn’t lacking in excitement due to our weekend card parties, but we felt as though it would be fun to get together with others that we didn’t know all that well. Dinner was fine and we all had some wine and talked about our jobs and our children. Pretty much all there was were small talk until one of them mentioned playing strip poker. To my surprise, my husband got all excited and was totally up for the idea. I on the other hand wasn’t quite sure what to say. My husband proceeded to get the cards and we all sat down at the table. The one thing that I did know was that I absolutely knew how to play poker and very well I might add.
So the cards were dealt out and one by one the cloths started coming off. All three of them were having a great time, while I was just sitting there extremely uncomfortable. Yes, I won and Yes I was the only one my cloths on but still. There were some weird actions on behalf of my husband. The one that sticks out in my mind the most is him getting dared somehow to suck on this womans toes and after following through with the dare, he was chasing her around the house while the only thing she was wearing was a thong. When the games were done we all gathered into the living room. All I was wishing was that the evening was over and wouldnt you know, the husband of the couple walks over to me and to my astonishment he says “you know you loved it”. He told me that I have sexual inhibitions that just haven’t come out yet and he offered to teach me.
I mentioned what this man had said to me to my husband but he just laughed. I on the other hand, I wasn’t laughing, I was much more angry. Angry at the fact that a stranger would say something like that to me. I don’t know if it was because I believed that he was wrong or that he could actually be right.
A few days later I received a phone call from (I will call him chad) asking me to look up some sites on the internet that he thought might be enticing to me. He started sending me e-mails of girls getting golden showers, and doing other various sexual acts. I couldn’t believe the things that I was seeing let alone being an adult and never knew this kind of behavior was even done. I was seventeen years old when I had met my husband and he and I never experimented with sex before. We had never rented pornos or did the swap thing. We just basically had the regular hum drum sex life. The more chad contacted me the more I became interested in what he was saying. I was curious as to what it was like to have wild and crazy sex and he was more than ready to oblige me. He was by far attractive but was rather intriguing and he knew that I had never tasted good sex before.
Our first meeting was during the day while everyone else was at school and work. He worked nights which made it very convenient. He brought over some of his wifes toys and a blind fold and told me he was going to make me scream. I recall being so nervous, I felt like a school girl all over again. I took one look at the toy he brought over and freaked out. There was NO way I was going to use it knowing it was his wifes so instead he blind folded me and began teasing me to no end. By the time he was done he had me sweating from orgasaming multiple times over. Wow, crazy isn’t good enough to express what I felt and to make it even more strange he didn’t want me to do anything to him. He just liked to watch.
After a few more meetings at the house, our ventures became more risky. He would pick me up late at night on his days off while everyone was sleeping and we would go to the park down the street. From that point on we had crazy sex that seem to have lasted forever. The feeling of sneaking out of the house brought me back to being a teenager. It was exciting and I was finding things out about myself that I never knew before. This went on for quite a while and then I began to be invited to his house. His wife was a nurse and she worked weird hours so that made it convenient for us to try out different places. The more I became involved with him the more information he divulged to me. He would tell me that he would jerk off at work multiple times a day and he was a huge porn fan. I started to realize that something wasn’t right. He was really into the sex thing and yet had a great love life with his wife but still couldn’t seem to get enough, ever. During the summer time we would bring our kids to the park to play and he would instruct me to come wearing a skirt with no panties underneath. I did everything he would request and for the most part was never disappointed.
But as you would think, all good things come to an end right? Well, in my case I ended up leaving my husband. I had finally realized that I wasn’t in love with him as I thought I was and I met someone else that had made me very happy and we laughed all the time. We started seeing each other and chad didn’t understand why our sexual encounters had to stop. I knew what it was like to be emotionally involved with someone. To have feelings and saw sex as an intimate action between two people who liked or even loved each other. He on the other hand didn’t see it that way.
That is when I became aware to the fact that he was a sex addict. There wasn’t any emotion to it, it was just an action. When we would chat online he would want me to describe my personal sex life with him so that he could get off. He loved for me to talk dirty and wanted me to tell him every single thing I did in detail. I finally posed the question to him and asked if he felt as though he was a sex addict and he admitted that he was. I wasn’t so much surprised at the answer that he gave me but when I put some thought into the whole picture, I couldn’t figure out why his wife didn’t know due to being an addiction counselor and nurse. How could she not recognize the signs? Maybe she didn’t want to or because they has such a great sex life amongst each other, there was no reason to think other wise. My curiosity was getting to me so I went to the book store and purchased a book to help me understand more about what it was he was living with. He would confide in me about his thoughts and feelings which created a good friendship.
After a few years of talking to me and other woman, his wife finally somehow caught on and found out that he had been cheating on her. She gave him many chances to change but the thing was, was that he couldn’t change. He had a REAL problem and he needed professional help. Needless to say their marriage dissolved and he was devastated. It’s funny in a way to think he really didn’t understand that he was doing something wrong.
To this day he and I are very good platonic friends. He has become involved with someone knew that seems to understand his constant yearning for sex and I honestly think he is finally happy. I just hope and pray that she isn’t another one of those people who gets hurt.
If you or anyone you know needs professional help….I highly suggest seeking out a therapist that can give you the support you need. I know that the twelve step programs has been used in conjunction with this illnesses and has had positive results. There is also the book that I read on my website under the useful links category. It is called “Is It Love or Is It Addiction” Be reassured about one thing….you are not alone!
Good luck!
Nona

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