Relationships….. being yourself

There I was a few days ago taking a nice break reading a magazine and I came across an article that was really interesting.  I found myself pondering back to some of my past relationships and realized that I have made the same mistakes over and over as this woman did.

Each and every time I have met someone and started dating, I would pay real close attention to their likes and hobbies.  Then I would go out of my way to learn every thing I could about the things that interested them, that way we would have more in common.  Well, that’s what I had thought at the time.  If you had asked me a few days ago if I would have done the same thing, my answer would have been yes.  Now my answer would be no.  You can’t force a relationship to work no matter how much you try.  It is either going to flow nicely or the bottom is going to eventually drop out and the sizzle will be gone. 

I guess one of my pitfalls is that I love to learn.  It doesn’t have to be about anything in specific, just learning about things I don’t know is fascinating to me.  With my ex-husband, we had quite a few things in common such as the foods we liked to eat and the music we listened to but he LOVED football and golf.  Two things that I knew nothing about.  So, every Sunday he would sit and watch football and I would sit there like a wall flower waiting for half time to get some attention.  I hated not knowing anything about what I was watching so I decided if you can’t beat them, join them.  That is exactly what I did.  I watched football with him and asked questions about the entire game until I really could get a grip as to what was happening.  When he would come home from work with a football parley, I would help him make picks and eventually asked for my own and believe it or not…..I won, more than once.  It was exhilarating.  I don’t think that my ex felt the same way though.  I did the same thing with golf.  There were hobbies that I had but they weren’t interesting to him by no means so I did them alone.  Needless to say the things that I did do to try and make things more interesting between us didn’t make our relationship work.  The next person that I became involved with loved playing chess and was really religious, so I did my darn-est to learn how to play chess and focused on reading the Bible daily.  He was very impressed with my determination. When he played chess with me, he would win and win and never ever gave me an edge.  He said that that was how he learned and that was how I was going to learn too.  It wasn’t until I got good enough and finally beat him is when he stopped playing with me.  Very poor sport I must say.  When it came to my hobbies though, such as journaling or reading, he would tell me that I was ignoring him and that he didn’t like when I did that.  He felt that when I journal-ed that I was keeping things from him so he had me stop. 
When our relationship ended, I felt as though I lost myself somewhere.  I didn’t even know what I liked anymore due to trying to please others. 

It is a very hard lesson to learn but when a light bulb goes on, and you come to realize that loosing yourself and your own identity to make someone else happy is just not the right thing to do.

Now I read and journal and even watch football because I like these things, not to make someone else happy and accept me.  I do them to make myself happy.

So the moral of this blog is to make sure that when you get involved with someone take your time, continue with your own hobbies and never ever compromise who YOU are for anyone.

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