After two long years of therapy, my therapist decided that I was to either go in patient to be treated properly or I had to leave the practice and find someone else to try and help me. My heart was broken thinking that I was given this ultimatum. By this time I was married and had had my oldest daughter. During the entire time of my pregnancy, I was fine. I gained the weight that I needed to gain and gave birth to a very healthy baby girl. It wasn’t until afterwards that I was having a difficult time getting the baby weight off and my eating disorder just kicking into high gear.
That’s when I needed to make a decision to leave my daughter and husband and go in patient into what was at the time….considered the “R” wing. With a massive amount of fear I agreed to check myself in. I had to meet with the head director to get the final approval. He made me extremely nervous by the way he looked at me. My sister came with me and she felt the same way about him. Something wasn’t right about him but we couldn’t put our finger on it. So the day finally came where I was taken into the hospital. Basically you could say that every single thing that I brought with me was taken away. There was no shoe laces allowed and every single thing in the room had to run on batteries. The nurses were very rude and when one of them came in my room and told me she needed to take my blood for testing, I would swear that she injected me with something instead of taking something out. My arm was bruised for days from that. It was just very strange. Then the Director of the Department told me that he wanted to do a physical on me and an internal exam. I flat out refused and told him that I had just had one by my own gynecologist. That made him very angry but he had no choice but to agree when the papers were brought in proving me right.
The three days that I spent there were from hell. My bathroom was locked because they didn’t believe that I wasn’t a purger. The amount of food that was fed to me a normal sized man wouldn’t be able to consume in a short period of time. The absolute worst part about it wasn’t the group therapy I went threw with people all venting to me about how much I thought I was better than them because I didn’t want to be there anymore, or spending my birthday in there, it was having my roommate straight jacketed in the middle of the night because she was a self mutilator. There I was all alone praying that I could jump into the laundry basket and escape the fourth floor from hell. It took three long grueling days until I was finally released and set free.
When I returned home, I was so relieved and yet something was still really bothering me. The nasty rude nurse that dealt with me told me that if I decided to leave from the hospital that I was going to die. Boy, that really made me mad. I was determined to show her that she was TOTALLY wrong. I went to the library and took out as many books as I could on eating disorders and anxiety. I found a new therapist who was a wonderful Christian woman. She would pray with me on the phone and helped me threw some pretty rough days. After being locked in that nightmare of a place, I became claustrophobic and wasn’t able to sleep without a window being open. I am very proud to say that after years of struggling with this disease, I was finally able to conquer it instead of it getting the best of me. So, I am living proof that if you are determined enough you will find a way to get better. No it is not easy but I am one of the lucky ones who survived. There are many out there who don’t.
So, to anyone out there who has an eating disorder or knows of someone who does, make sure that you find a therapist who really cares about your well being. They are out there, trust me. The other thing that you can do is read read read. The more information you can get your hands on the better off you will be. Knowledge is an integral part of getting better.
I would be more than happy to gather any information you need to help. Things have changed quit a bit since I was being treated. There are wonderful places to go where the people there don’t treat you like crap. They really sincerely care about you and helping to set up a treatment plan. I hope that this story helped someone out there.
Please comment to me and again let me know if there is anything I can do to help!