Eating disorders…..

When I was in high school, I was fortunate enough to meet someone and we dated for a while.  There really wasn’t all that much to do due to not having our license so we hung out at each others house.  The one thing we did a lot was eat eat eat.  So while we were at my house one day my parents took a picture of him and I in my front yard.  We got our film developed and was I kind of ….well chubby.  My aunt was over for a visit and she took a lot at the photo of me and said WOW debbie you look good with a few pounds on you.  I decided to take a second look at my photo and was suddenly disgusted with myself.  I couldn’t believe that even though he was taller than me, I looked like a blimp.   From that point on, I started weighing myself every day in school.  I would visit the nurses office and get on the scale praying that I would start to somehow lose weight.  I stopped eating the m & m’s that they would sell in school and started to exercise.  I would drink beef bullion with maybe a few elbow macaroni’s that were half gooey and half crunchy and wouldn’t have anything else for dinner or a snack.  I was so excited the day that the scale started going in the other direction.  By my sixteenth birthday I was nice and thin and loving every minute of it.  By the time I was a senior I had gotten down to the number I wanted but I was terrified of gaining even a little pound.

To my surprise my cousin ended up to be the same way.  Her and I went up into her parents bathroom and weighed ourselves and then she showed me all the exercises that she would do every night and the diet pills that helped her keep the weight off too.  I was so excited to learn new methods to my obsession with weight loss.  This continued on through my senior year and lucky for me, the boyfriend I had for the past two years decided to cheat on me and we broke up.  So, I ended up hooking up with some new friends and dated guys from a different high school.  I went to my senior ball with a really hot looking guy but when we got our photos back I still saw a big fat girl in a prom dress.  So I continued restricting my eating and started taking speed that I got from some of the girls in school.  Right after I graduated I met a new boyfriend and we started seeing each other all the time.  One day I had over heard my parents talking about my cousin.  There was some really bad news.  I couldn’t believe my ears when they turned to me and told me that she died.  I was like WHAT……  how the heck did she die when she was only 18 years old?????  The answer that I got from them was that no one new at this point how she died.  She had come home from school one day and told her mother that she was going take a short nap and to wake her up when it was time for dinner.  Her mother went in to wake her up and she was dead.  She died in her sleep and for no apparent reason.  I looked at my parents and told them that I thought I might know why she died.  I explain what had happened when her and I had got together and they listened but kinda wrote it off as a ….no way heidi would never do something like that and that was the end of the conversation.

to be continued……..

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