Sadness Prevails

So how do you get threw another day when your children and your significant other don’t see eye to eye?  How can I get over the feeling that I have to choose one or the other and it seems so unfair?  I love my children and have done everything I can do each and everyday to make them as happy and content as I can, but the fact remains that when I go and try to make myself happy… just doesn’t work.  I spent many years of my life hoping and praying that my youngest daughters father would change…from the narcissistic person that he is, into a loving father and husband.  It didn’t happen so when I finally felt as though 10 years was long enough to hope, I tried to move on.  Ever since then I have struggled to be happy with anyone else I have brought into my life.  I was so much in love with her father I would have done anything it took to know that he wanted and needed us in his life.  Now he won’t even acknowledge us – no phone calls  no nothing.  I just think that LOVE doesn’t really exist.  Not after what I have been threw.  I realize you can’t change someone but you can mystically wish right?  Don’t do it – it doesn’t work!!!

My son still went threw his panic attacks that he normally does at the same time every night which not only  is stressful but hopeless…..I just can’t do anything to help.  His fear or throwing up consumes him and in turn makes me crazy….saying the same thing each and every day.  His fears and anxiety are going to put me into the looney bin once and for all   I swear!!!!  well tomorrow is another day….


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