There you go……this picture says a million words to a person with depression.  We are so afraid of telling anyone how we really feel for fear they will reject us that we always say we are fine, but guess what?  We aren’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are so many days where my father calls me and asks me to go out for a cup of coffee and I make up excuse after excuse because I have nothing new or good to talk about.  I am embarrassed and hurt.  I don’t want to let him down for one minute.  My dad has been so good to me, so supportive in many situations of my life that when I do get together with him I want to be upbeat and happy.  It hurts so bad to think that all I have is bunches and bunches of sadness to blurt out.  When my depression gets really bad and all I want to do is die, the first person I think about is my father and how much I wish he could just hug me like a child and tell me that everything is going to be okay.  It may sound child like but it’s true.  I hope and pray that none of my children have to live with the emptiness that I have.  There are umpteen amounts of days that I think they would all be better without me, which most people who are clueless think that those thoughts are selfish.  I believe that they aren’t.  They are sincere and genuine.

to be continued…….


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