There are so many days where I feel as though I just don’t want to live in this world anymore. Something as small as a comment could put me under to the point where the whole day is shot. I want to crawl under my covers and not cease to exist (which I had one yesterday and that’s why I ended up not blogging). Yet today, I find that my sanity and mind set are different.
why do I ride this roller coaster of emotions so often? I wish I knew. I mean you visit a therapist and a psychiatrist and they are there to listen and per scribe medications that make you HAPPY instead of having these mindless ups and downs and yet I still go threw them. I really think that they do something to your demeanor but there is NO such thing as that miracle pill that makes you want to keep on ticking after you are taking that licking of life.
Am I the only one out there that feels that way? I can’t be ….says my conscience but my heart and mind say differently. Depression is lonely. There are no two ways about it and no matter what kind of medication you are on ……If your circumstances around you don’t change neither will you. Change I mean in a positive way…..because they always seem to continually change negatively.
Whats weird is that I woke up today feeling okay. Okay meaning I don’t have that want to be nonexistent but to just go with the flow and take what the day is going to throw at me. Yesterday I felt frantic and kept says that I felt as though I was cursed in some way and as weird as that might sound….I have a strong belief in God. If this is the case then I wouldn’t be believing that I was born to be lonely and miserable but to be happy and joyful knowing that someday I will be taken from this place I call hell to a beautiful serene place I call home.